Male announcer: And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'
Monsters vs. Aliens.
- ¶ mva ¶
¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ it's us vs. Them
¶ foe vs. Friend
¶ brain vs. B.O.B.
- ¶ it's a super-freaky job
- Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
- ¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
- [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ mva ¶
[spools whirring]
- Fellow monsters!
Feast your eyes on my latest scientific creation--
The teleportation machine.
[cackles]
- Teleportation?
Didn't this already, like, not work?
- Yeah, didn't the aliens say
That teleportation is an impossibility?
- An impossibility for them
Because they lack the vision
That comes from having the perfect combination
Of "mad" and "scientist."
Aloha!
- Aloha?
Wait, he's going to hawaii,
And he didn't take me?
That's a muka laka right there.
- Guys, what makes you think this is
Actually going to work?
[hissing]
- Aloha!
It also means "hello."
And hello,
A coconut from hawaii.
- I take it back.
- Of course, any visionary super genius
With a four-digit I.Q. Could have done it.
- Whoo-hoo!
Bring it, doc.
Let's hear that triumphant laugh!
- My what?
- You know, that--
[cackles]
Thing.
- Maniacal laughter hardly seems appropriate.
- [echoing cackle]
Whoo-hoo!
Look who just did the blinkin' impossible:
Me.
What?
[scatting indistinctly]
Shave ice, mate?
- Mahalo!
- Obviously, there are a few unplanned side-effects.
- What a boffin!
Are you gonna just bang on about it,
Or are we gonna have some giggles, eh?
Game on.
You three round up the treats and beats.
I'll bring the party!
[lively funk music]
¶
- [grunts]
You buffoon!
Can you not see
I am trying to analyze
What went wrong with the teleportation device?
- Wrong?
It's brilliant!
I'm as fun as a bag of ferrets!
[laughs]
- Uh...
So which one is the real one?
- Imbecile!
You are interfering with my scientific research.
- I need this fog machine for my mad party!
[laughs]
- Oh, my gosh.
The laugh!
They're both the real him--
Just different parts of him.
Guys, the machine split his personality!
- So party animal dr. "c" over there got all the "mad"--
And I'm doing air quotes here--
And smarty-pants dr. "c" got all the "scientist"?
- Exactly.
- Ooh! You know what else is strange?
- Else? - Yeah.
Am I the only one that's noticed
That there are now two dr. Cockroaches?
[straw slurping]
- [groans]
- Just spitballing here,
But what if we teleported you
Both at the same time?
That might combine the two of you
Back into one dr. Cockroach, right?
- That is a solid hypothesis,
But I have decided it is not in my best interest
To be reunited with that buffoon.
- Feeling's mutual,
Professor pocket protector.
- What, are you kidding?
The two of you belong together.
Literally.
- Hardly.
- Hey!
- Without his barking madness,
I can finally accomplish serious scientific work
In my laboratory.
- One problem, egghead.
This isn't your lab.
It's my lab.
And guess what.
It's not a lab at all.
It's my party room!
Whoo-hoo!
Light show!
[both grunt]
- Get out of my lab!
- Get out of my party room!
[both grunting]
- This is definitely not good.
- Hey, you know what I'm realizing
The real problem is here?
There are actually
Two dr. Cockroaches.
Anybody else catch that?
- Cool it, guys.
If you're gonna stay in separate bodies,
You need to work this out.
- Technically, the lab belongs to both of them.
So who gets the boot?
- I have an idea.
[squeaks]
- Yes, that is an idea, b.O.B.
- I think it can work.
You stay on this side of the line,
And you stay on that side.
- Ooh! Yes!
And that way they can both share the lab.
Hey, that is a great idea.
- B.O.B., this was your idea.
- You drew the--
- Racing stripe? Yes.
Looks pretty cool, huh?
- I guess it is kind of cool.
- Pbbt!
- Hmm.
[guitar riff playing]
- I had no idea you could rock out, dr. "c."
- Oh, yeah!
All systems are a go-go!
[rock music playing]
¶
- For collinear "p" and collinear "r,"
The intersections "pr" are determin--
Trying to work, thank you!
Mwah!
- [yelling] [guitar playing]
- Rock and roll!
Party on my side of the room!
I can play all night.
[heavy metal music playing]
¶
- Yeah!
- Well,
Since the ionic reactor
Is on my side of the room...
- [screams]
- Aww.
- You can't stop rock and roll!
- Apparently, I can.
- Okay, what was that?
[both grunting]
- Come here, you frighter!
- Ooh!
Crack! - Ooh!
- I totally had my doubts about the stripe.
- Yeah! Breakdance!
- [screams]
[both grunting]
- Hey!
Knock it off, you two!
- That rapscallion is a menace!
- If you could make rainbows shoot out your bum,
You'd still be boring.
- You know, you'd think having two dr. Cockroaches
Would be twice as cool.
But it's not.
It's like...
Only 51/16ths as cool.
- Not sure about the math there, buddy, but I get the idea.
- We just don't think this whole twin dr. Cockroach thing
Is working out.
- I concur.
What solution are you proposing?
- Well, it just feels like there should really only be
One dr. Cockroach, you know?
- I could not agree more.
Will you hold that coupler in place for me?
- Sure. So we're on the same page?
We'll make one dr. Cockroach again?
- Affirmative.
- So, um, if I'm catching what you're throwing,
You think there should be only one doc "c"?
- Yup. - It's less confusing that way.
Otherwise, I can't remember which one of you
Borrowed money from me.
- Oh...
It was the other bug-man.
I was thinkin' the same thing anyway.
So smashing.
Let's go back to just one awesome dr. Cockroach.
- All right. Cool.
Wow. That was easy.
- I know, right?
- Ahh!
- Scientific reason
Demands I must destroy you!
- Yeah?
Well, I'll dance me a jig on your spleen, boyo!
[cackles]
[lasers exploding]
- You know, I'm beginning to think
That what we meant by one dr. Cockroach
And what they meant really aren't the same thing.
- Yeah, I'm thinking that too.
- Or you know what I'm thinking?
Ice cream. Two scoops.
One vanilla, one chocolate.
Will I have some whipped cream on top?
Yes, I'm not an animal. [explosion]
- How 'bout we take care of that first?
- Okay.
But then right after, ice cream.
- Will you dr. Cockroaches knock it off?
You're going to end up doing something really--
[explosion]
- [squeaks] - bad.
- [woman over p.A.] danger. Breach in ionic reactor core.
Total reactor meltdown in "t" minus 2 minutes 30 seconds.
[tense music]
[alarm blaring]
- We need to restabilize the core.
- [grunting]
Too late. The heat has already melted the hatch shut.
- Doesn't matter.
Even if we could get in there,
Only a cockroach could withstand that much radiation,
And he's currently beating the tar out of himself.
- [grunts]
- Wait!
I have an idea.
- Is it racing stripes?
'cause we already tried that.
[all gasping]
[both grunting]
- [laughs]
- Ow.
[both grunting]
- Hey, fun dr. "c."
You're the only one who can save the day!
Forget about the scientist.
We need someone mad enough to fix this!
- You are loco!
This is a scientific problem.
We need the boring but sensible dr. "c" all the way!
- "t" minus 1 minute and 30 seconds seconds
Until total meltdown.
- Oh, well.
No one is brilliant enough
To figure out a way to get into that core in time anyway.
- I will adjust the transporter coordinates
And beam myself right into the heart of the reactor
In order to stabilize the core.
- Not if I get there first!
[both yelling]
- Whole once again.
- 17 seconds until full ionic meltdown.
- We shall see about that!
[cackles]
- 10 seconds until total meltdown.
Total meltdown in 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4, 3...
- A bit of chewing gum
And this foil wrapper.
- Ionic core stabilized.
Reactor meltdown avoided.
- Whoo-hoo!
Yes, that's right!
I did it!
[cackles]
- I guess there was one thing
Those two had in common the whole time.
- [cackles]
- An enormous ego.
- Bingo.
[tense music]
- Somebody help!
We've got runaway missiles!
- [laughs]
- Hugs, everybody!
Whoo! Nailed it.
- All you need to do
Is disable the triggering mechanism.
- Uh, yeah, triggering what now?
- Never mind.
[both yelling]
- At least tell me it looked cool.
- It did.
- That's all I ask.
- I think it's dandy that team monster
Stopped the runaway missiles.
If only team monster
Hadn't launched the runaway missiles!
- [electronic voice] launch. Launch. Launch. Launch.
- Come on. Where's my lunch?
I'm hungry.
Is anybody else having issues with the lunch button?
- That is some classic b.O.B.
- B.O.B.?
B.O.B.!
B.O.B.,
Remember when we talked about the big difference between
"launch" and "lunch"?
- Oh, yeah.
Now, that reminds me,
Has anyone seen my launch box?
- Son, if you had a brain,
You'd be dangerous.
- Oh, dr. Cockroach.
I was thinking--
Which, since I've got no brain,
Isn't easy,
Believe you me--
- I believe you, b.O.B. - Right.
Anyway, you've got so much brain.
Maybe I could have some of yours.
- Ha.
My rather substantial cerebellum
Is safely housed within my cranium.
Though you have given me
A rather intriguing idea.
[thunder crashing]
Monsters, meet b.O.B.'s brain!
[device whirring]
- [chuckles]
Whoa.
- Let me guess.
You pulled the parts from the vacuum cleaner.
- [sighs] I didn't think anyone would notice.
Mistakes learned from.
Onto progress.
[device rapidly beeping]
- Doughnuts, doughnuts.
Sugary, sweet doughnuts.
Doughnuts. Eat 'em with meat!
- So this time you used parts from the...
- Deep fryer. - Because...
- Someone was using the toaster oven.
- Doughnuts, doughnuts,
Sugary and sweet!
[echoing] doughnuts! Doughnuts!
Eat 'em with meat!
- So as you can see,
My plan to increase earth's mugginess is--
- Eat 'em with meat!
- I-is on track to--
- Sugary and sweet! - To, um--
[groans]
Let me put you on hold.
- Doughnuts, doughnuts!
Sugary and sweet!
- How am I to plan planetary conquest
With all this confounding noise?
- What? - Doughnuts! Eat 'em with meat!
- I said...
Um...
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
[chuckles]
Just one of my quirks,
Saying nothing, you know...
What is that?
An artificial brain?
- Go away.
- Right.
Oh, look at the time.
Bye, now.
Okay.
Forget the mugginess thing.
New plan.
- [humming]
- Oh, dear!
Someone sure spilled a lot of malodorous garbage out here.
- Dibs!
- My, doctor, how busy you have been.
Allow me to add my own evil tweak.
[cackles]
- And now...
For real this time...
B.O.B.'s brain!
[slot machine dinging]
- Oh, I was pressing the launch button for lunch.
Me, oh, my...
What a daft harlequin I am.
- Right.
- Tis I!
Though I must admit I feel
A rather strong paradigm shift
In my state of being.
- It worked!
You have intelligence!
- Such an obvious observation, doctor.
To be expected when one's phd is in dance.
- Perfect...
And so subtle.
Genius!
[cackles]
- You feeling all right, b.O.B.?
- B.O.B., b.O.B., b.O.B.
Ugh. So common.
B.O.B. No longer exists.
Call me...
Robert.
[cackles]
- Okay.
- Okay, practice drill.
Unknown object entering our atmosphere.
Probably hostile. What do we do?
- Get ready for a smack-down
Before it hits ground.
- Use my repulser ray
To keep it away.
- Ask what qualifies you
To be leading this ridiculous exercise.
- Excuse me?
- I mean, I understand why you
As opposed to fish-for-brains over there.
- Hey!
I vastly prefer you to the bug,
Who is clearly more "mad" than "scientist."
Lol.
But as far as I can tell, susan,
You are an aggressively average woman.
I think my high school transcript
Says otherwise.
A.P. Trig.
In your face.
- Mm.
Your leadership seems only to come
From your ability to change size.
[air horn blowing]
[both grunt]
- And even that you can't control very well.
[cackles]
[fanciful harpsichord music]
[record scratching]
Huh?
- Listen, robert,
I don't know exactly
How to say this gently, but--
- Take the stupid brain out!
It's turning you into a jerk!
- "gently?"
Anybody else hear me say that?
- Ah,
You feel the new me has been unnecessarily brusque
And perhaps even a touch impertinent with you.
- Took the words out of my mouth.
- Well, I couldn't agree more,
Which is why I've whipped up something special for you all.
Where did I--
Ah, here they are.
- Presents!
- Oh, I-I like presents.
- Come, susan.
I promise,
What's in this box
Is something you genuinely deserve.
- Hmm, I-I'm afraid I don't quite--
- [grunts] it was a trap!
- [grunts]
This stuff...
I--I can't break it.
- You've reached into my head
And drawn forth my greatest fear.
- General monger did say I'd be dangerous if I had a brain.
How correct he was.
[cackles]
- B.O.B.--
Robert--whatever--
If you think this can hold me--
Yeow!
You're kind of onto something.
- But why, b.O.B.?
We are your friends.
- Please.
I'm too smart for friends!
My new playground partner
Is "conquest of the world."
I'm off to subjugate the world to my will.
Ta!
- You have done well, robert.
Together, our combined intellect
Will bring this planet to its--
[gasps] for me?!
[cackles]
- So you knew he trapped us...
But you still opened your present.
- And then put it on.
- I like hats.
How was I to know it was an anti-telekinesis hat?
- Pardon me, but can you confirm
That this is indeed the location of the death ray?
- It is.
- Duh...
I left my gum in there.
Can I go in for a sec?
I won't break nothin'.
I'm too stupid. Heh.
- Sure thing, b.O.B.
You know, if he had a brain,
He'd be dangerous.
- Here's what I don't get:
Why has b.O.B. Suddenly gone evil?
- Easy. Smart equals evil.
- Ahem.
Certainly not.
Someone must have tinkered
With the artificial brain.
But who would have done such a thing?
- I suspect the night janitor.
Oh, what's his name?
Doug?
I suspect doug.
Take a look at doug.
Doug.
Now, just how will we escape these traps, hmm?
Any thoughts?
- I'm going to try something.
It might hurt,
But I'm trying it.
[yells]
- Ow!
Was that necessary?
- Kind of, yeah.
- Oh.
Oh, yes, I get it now.
- [grunts]
- Hold up, guys.
We're dealing with the smartest being on the planet.
- [scoffs] hardly.
- You put on the hat.
- Let's just bring our a-plus game, okay?
- [cackles]
- Ooh!
A gift! Maybe it's a hat!
Both: No!
- My, isn't this a familiar tableau?
[chuckles]
- Okay, you got us, robert.
We were stupid.
- Some of us more than others.
- [groans]
- You're really, really smart.
You know everything.
Except you don't know that being smart
Doesn't make you special.
Being b.O.B. Is what made you special.
Being b.O.B. Was what mattered to us,
To your friends.
So what do you say, b.O.B.?
Why not just turn off that old death ray
And come home to the monsters who love you.
- Ah, susan.
You think you can just slop on the sentimentality
And I'll go all gooey.
Cockroach didn't make me a heart.
He made me a brain!
Ha!
[cackles]
Ooh.
Whaaa?
Hey, guys,
Remember that giant bubble machine I wished for?
Here it is!
- Well, I wasn't thinking that.
- It works. Take it.
- Was that something special?
- Nope.
- But you are, b.O.B.
- Aw, thanks, susan.
Now, who's hungry?
I could really go for some launch!